One Brown Gone – One To Go

Sad news yesterday as it was announced that Phil Brown has been relieved of his managerial duties.

I can understand it in some ways thanks to his bizarre substitutions, team choices and desire to defend when we are an attacking side. Or maybe he is far too implicated in the Paul Duffen scandal and had to go? However the time to get rid of him was in October, not now.

I feel the need to post to celebrate his achievements.

1. Rescue us from almost certain relegation to League 1 in his first half season.
2. Take us to Wembley for the first time in our 100-odd year history.
3. Win at Wembley to get us promoted to the highest division for the first time ever.
4. The miraculous start to Premier League life, beating Arsenal, Tottenham etc and being the talk of the league.
5. Somehow keeping us up even though nobody ever expected us to finish above bottom.
6. Annoying Arsene Wenger.
7. Taught thousands of people how to sing.
8. Kept a mass of sunbed companies in business in Hull.
9. Allegedly persuaded a girl not to jump off the Humber Bridge.
10. Defending Bulland and Barmby for fighting in front of 100 woman from the Women’s Institute on International Women’s Day.

Oh well relegation here we come.

Now, how do we get rid of the other Brown?

I Would Rather Be Friends With A Sewer

My idea of a Facebook Friend, is someone that I have at least met, and have some vague connection with. Maybe someone I work with, a friend of a friend who joined us for drinks, etc etc. Or a girl I want sexual favours from. Or someone I just recognise from going out – as long as they are human beings.

So I got home last night to find that not only a self-storage company had requested my friendship, but Expressgyms. A gym, for fuck’s sake. Do I look like I would ever have a drink with a gym? Go clubbing with a gym? Shake hands with a gym? Hug a gym? Enter a gym? No.

So a quick message was sent – “I would rather be friends with a sewer”.

Of course, I received a message back:

“Thanks James , sorry to hear that could you please take the time to tell me why? My name is Steve Brown I am manager and sales director of Expressgym. I take it you may have had a bad experience in the past? All I am doing is trying to promote my business through this network and I am sorry to have bothered you.
Steve. “

I do feel slightly bad now but still I feel aggrieved for a company abusing my potential friend-ship. I haven’t sent my reply yet, I am still thinking.

Oh and to top it all off last night, I receievd a friend request for the purpose of being a neighbour in some Farmville-type game. If she was hot then perhaps but she was quite the opposite of that definition.

Updated Weather Forecast

Last week was very easy to forecast, and I got it right – and we should get our 10’C this weekend that I predicted, and maybe even 11’C!

But on Monday the winds swing round to the north-west and blast some cold weather down again, though this will be transitory, and might not happen until the evening.

And then we have the prospect of some very welcomed early spring warmth. Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday are my favoured days where there is a good chance of us actually reaching 15’C – a temperature not seen here since November.

However I am not so sure of what the conditions will be like. There is no significant rain in prospect, though there could be showers on Sunday.

The warmth of mid-week might be a cloudy warmth but I do hope not.

And into next weekend I think there is a good chance of a good sunny Sunday.

In summary, mostly dry with some rather pleasant days mixed in.

I think that is a good weather forecast 🙂

Though I still think we haven’t seen the last of winter…I’m waiting for April now.

How Many Things Can Annoy Me In One Day?

08:20 – Me. I left my mother’s birthday card at home and had to go back for it, missing the bus.
08:50 – The bus driver didn’t give me a free journey, I thought he might as the ticket looks like it wasn’t used yesterday.
09:05 – No decent sized glasses left in the kitchen at work…though if I were on time…
09:58 – The TV license people now know of our existence.
12:02 – An e-mail at work that I did not want to see which ruins months of preparation, investigation and work.
12:12 – Someone external not correctly reading my instructions, thereby causing a loss.
12:20 – Sven Vath definitely not playing Fabrik in Madrid apparently.
14:06 – An arsehole of a debtor rudely making unreasonable demands.
14:54 – I just discovered that I bought Philadelphia Light rather than full-fat. How dumb can I be?

David Cameron’s HQ Responds

Now for those of you not so familiar with me, I like to write to complain or give advice. This time I thought I needed to advise the Conservative Party on their campaigning (I’m sure this went down well with career politicians and people who probably spent years studying politics, but hey at least I got a response. And only 10 days after I sent my message).

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I thought I should give you some feedback.

Throughout my group of friends, of whom few care about politics like I do, they are generally aware of what damage Gordon Brown and Labour have done to the country, but things are not really bad enough in their lives for them personally to be upset enough to be motivated politically.

As much as they would like rid of Gordon Brown, they don’t actually think it would make any difference.

I believe that they understand why it needs to change and that it should – I don’t think you need to hammer the message any more of what has gone wrong.

If the Conservative party want to win the next election, they have to advise people why to vote for them – not why to get rid of Labour/Gordon Brown as people already know why they want to get rid of them.

I expect currently most of my friends will not bother to vote.

Anyway, that is my feedback, I hope it helps as I would prefer a Conservative government (though I am also not convinced despite naturally being a Conservative!)

Kind regards
James

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Dear James,

I am writing on behalf of David Cameron to thank you for your e-mail. We certainly take on board the points that you raise.

First, let me assure you that we are under no illusion as to the challenge that awaits and, of course, people are anxious about the forthcoming election and the state of our country.

We all know that with Labour in charge our country is heading in completely the wrong direction. We can’t go on like this. That is why there is a clear choice at this election between five more years of Gordon Brown’s tired government making things worse, or David Cameron and the Conservatives with the energy, leadership and values to get the country moving.

As you will have seen, David Cameron, George Osborne and the whole Conservative Party are working to make this a year for change. Change to get the country back on its feet. And change based on the Conservative values of responsibility and aspiration. This can be seen in our six key priorities for government:

1. Act now on debt to get the economy moving: we will deal with the deficit more quickly than Labour so that mortgage rates stay lower for longer with the Conservatives;
2. Get Britain working by boosting enterprise: we will cut corporation tax rates, abolish taxes on the first ten jobs created by new businesses, promote green jobs, and get people off welfare and into work;
3. Make Britain the most family-friendly country in Europe: we will freeze council tax and raise the basic state pension, recognise marriage in the tax system and back couples in the benefits system, support young families with extra health visitors, and fight back against crime;
4. Back the NHS: we will increase spending on health every year, and make the NHS work for patients not managers;
5. Raise standards in schools: we will give teachers the power to restore discipline, and create new smaller schools;
6. Change politics: we will reduce the number of MPs, cut Whitehall and quangos by a third, and let taxpayers see where their money is being spent.

This isn’t some election it would be nice to win. It’s an election that for the sake of our country – for the sake of our broken economy, our broken society and our damaged politics – we’ve got to win. And if we all pull together then this country can have great hope for the future.

The choice is clear: five more years of Gordon Brown or change with the Conservatives. I do hope you will join us as we seek to change our country for the better.

Yours sincerely,

Lara Moreno Perez

David Cameron’s Correspondence Unit

Conservative Campaign Headquarters

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It is probably all generic and they just tick boxes mostly relevant to the topic of the e-mail but maybe they might take notice of my feedback.

And don’t forget that a vote for David Cameron is also a vote for William Hague and Boris Johnson, two more likeable politicians!

Unforgettable Experiences

I saw a beer mat recently in the Holiday Inn, which stated:

“Holiday Inn & Holiday Inn Express will help to ensure that everyone attending the London 2012 Games, whether from the UK or abroad, whether an athlete or a fan, has an unforgettable experience.”

Cue an e-mail to the Holiday Inn.

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Dear Sir

I was in your Holiday Inn, Reading South, hotel on Friday 5th March.

I noticed in the bar, some beer mats which stated the following:

“Holiday Inn & Holiday Inn Express will help to ensure that everyone attending the London 2012 Games, whether from the UK or abroad, whether an athlete or a fan, has an unforgettable experience.”

Now I have nothing again the Holiday Inn, it is a perfectly reasonable hotel chain, if a little bland.

But I do not understand how a somewhat bland hotel chain is going to ensure EVERYONE attending the games has an unforgettable experience.

How are you going to influence the lives of those who don’t even pass through your hotel?

I would love to know, as it may affect my future decision making.

Kind regards
James Winfield

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I must say that every time I have been in a Holiday Inn, it has been utterley forgettable. I think this may be false advertising. I do not understand how they can make such a claim.

I will let you know if I receive a response.

Morning Smells

This is advice for anyone who wishes to spend time with me, especially those who would like to interupt my reading of the political situation in Iraq.

Please refrain from smoking immediately before placing yourself in very close proximity to myself. Please also refrain from using half a bottle of aftershave to disguise the smell.

That is all I ask. I will even conduct conversation with you.

Updated Weather Forecast

I’m happy with my previous forecast – not spot on as my maybe’s didn’t come off as I thought they might but overall it is good.

And further to that if you check the forecast I made on 1st February – I predicted a dry start to spring – 4 days in and no rain!

And guess what? Miracles of all miracles there is no significant rain in this forecast. Or snow. Just a small chance of a little light rain tomorrow and a small chance of a wintry shower over the weekend.

Plenty of sunshine, some cloud at times though. However it will remain cold with a noticeable easterly wind, and overnight frosts at times. So it is still behaving more like winter than spring.

It will gradually become less cold next week and into the week after, from 5’C this weekend to maybe 10’C by next weekend.

Following that I expect the jet stream to have finally moved north from its very strange winter residency of the meditteranean, bringing its milder but wet weather back – probably around 15th to 18th onwards. Assuming this happens then on the sunnier days where it doesn’t rain, it should reach 15’C by the end of March.

Note many previous years recently have seen very pleasent temperatures of 18’C to 21’C in March for a few days. I would be shocked if it happens. It might not even reach 20’C in April. I still think winter has unfinished business with us.

Enjoy the next couple of fine weeks 🙂