I thought I’d upload a couple of my old complaints that have been sitting in my Hotmail for absolutely no reason at all. Maybe one of you will chuckle.
This was from when I used to live in my crap flat, and when I started the complaint in June 2011, I had a miserable job with a witch of a manager and drunk a lot of wine. JP Chenet wine, to be exact.
It would often be a herculean effort to get the corkscrews out. Here goes:
Dear JP Chenet
I love your wine, however, it is very difficult to get into a bottle. Ordinary corkscrews are not good enough. I have to smash the bottle to get to it’s contents, surely this is wrong?
Kind regards James
Dear Mr Winfield,
I am writing with regards to your message below regarding one bottle of our JP Chenet 75 cl. You mention that “it is very difficult to get into a bottle”.
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to let us know the problem you experienced. Please accept our sincere apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused.
This matter has been taken seriously by Les Grands Chais de France. The cork used to bottle this JP Chenet is a synthetic closure. We have chosen this kind of cork for some of our products in accordance with our customers. Indeed, synthetic corks offer many advantages. They guarantee perfect aromatic neutrality and avoid getting any “corked” wines. They are less permeable to oxygen than natural corks and allow a better preservation of the wines. This is the reason why synthetic corks are more and more used in the wine industry.
However, as you noticed, some bottles might be difficult to open. This phenomenon is related to several factors:
– the diameter of the cork
– the shape of the neck of the bottle
– the diameter of the neck of the bottle
– the way of using the corkscrew
We are aware of the punctual difficulties sometimes encountered by our consumers when try to uncork the bottles. We work on this particular point in relationship with our cork supplier to whom we will transmit your feedback. Furthermore, we constantly make some internal testings and extraction strenght studies in external laboratories.
Please be assured we do our best to make wines of quality in nice and smooth bottles. JP Chenet wines are also available in screw caps bottle (25 cl) or in flexible packagings (3 L , Isipacks) in many stores.
As a goodwill gesture, we will send you some JP Chenet gifts hoping that despite this event, you will still continue to enjoy our wines in the future.
Dear Mr Winfield,
Thanks for your address. You may exchange the bottles, who is the retailer?
The retailer was Tesco.
Dear Mr Winfield,
We work in partnership with TESCO, you may get an exchange or re-imbursement by going to the Customer Service Desk. They will raise a formal complaint to us and will invoice us by return.
Hope this helps.
…11 months later with at least some wine consumed.
Dear JP Chenet
You may remember that I wrote to you to complain about the awful corks in your bottles last year.
I was placated somewhat by the lovely gifts, including the pencil and more importantly, the corkscrew.
And then the wine became easier to get into during the summer – and as you are French, I knew there was no point in writing to you to say thank you during the summer months because nobody works in France between July and September.
However, during the autumn and winter months, the bottles became incredibly difficult to open. I am a stubborn sod at times, and I kept persevering – you don’t know the difficulty and danger created by spending 20 minutes on a regular basis with a knife trying to destroy the corks, especially after coming home from a nightclub in London at 10am and the fragility of my body – and mind, after all the alcohol and narcotics. Thankfully I am a man of lower to middle class so my place in society is not affected by destroying corks.
I have now given up which is a shame, as JP Chenet rose was my favourite wine. I now have to drink crap South African wine or whatever the hell my local shop is selling, that actually has a screw top so it can be opened. I have saved myself a lot of time. And I guess I am more sober now.
I did quite like the challenge but you have gone too far.
I have attached some photos of the mayhem that your plastic corks have caused.
I wish you all the best for the future.
Love from England x
Dear Mr Winfeld
Thank you for your informative e-mail and the self-explanatory pictures. We very much appreciate your feedback and the time taken to explain this new bad experience with our synthetic closures. We are really sorry that this happened again and apologise for the inconvenience caused.
There is a solution to still continue to enjoy your favourite wine. I would like to offer you some 18.7 cl JP Chenet Rosé in screwcaps sold also in TESCO’s + some accompanying glasses. Could you please confirm your address -James Winfield, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx – and provide me with your telephone for delivery purpose only.
May I take the opportunity to advise that you may contact us at anytime, there will be someone to listen to you in all seasons.
With my kindest regards.
Hi JP Chenet
Thank you for your response, I didn’t know that your wine was available in screw cap bottles so I very much look forward to trying this.
My address is as below and phone number is xxxxx.
I am very happy to hear that you work during the summer too – I was always told that the whole of France didn’t work in August and September.
I look forward to telling all my friends the exciting news.
…A large box full of small bottles of JP Chenet duly arrived.
I no longer drink JP Chenet wine but the last time I did buy a large bottle – it had a screw cap.