I still have not worked out the point of cucumber.
It tastes of nothing. It seems to be just water. It is utterly pointless.
Yet I add it to my salad. Why? I have no idea. Just one of the many pointless things I do in my life, like writing letters of complaint over something worth about 55p in the vague hope that I am making someone smile somewhere with my vague attempts at humour.
Anyway, I had a cucumber bought from my local Sainsbury’s store the other day. Other week, actually, I’ve been busy.
The sell-buy date was 19th August, if I recall correctly, but several days in advance if this, it turned totally loathsome, as if the bottom half of the cucumber had started sharing Britain First posts on it’s newsfeed.
Yet the top half remained decent and I kept eating it – how long had the bottom half turned minging for (RIP Jade Goody) whilst I was still eating it? I dread to think.
So yes, I have spent more than 55p of my time writing to you, and more than 55p of your time in reading and hopefully responding to my beautiful drivel, about a cucumber worth 55p that I still ate half of.
Though as dull and pointless as cucumbers may be, it is quite shocking just how disgusting they become when they go off. Like proper Hitler-style.
ps When are you fixing your yoghurt pots?
Thanks for your email. I’m sorry that the cucumber you got was so offensive. I struggle finding the point of cucumber myself, so I Googled it.
Apparently cucumber is a widely cultivated plant in the gourd family, Cucurbitaceae.
There is 10 main amazing health benefits to cucumbers but due to limited Internet access, I don’t actually know what these are.
I do know they shouldn’t be horrible on one end, so I’ve reported the poor quality through to our supplier and also added 110 points onto your Nectar account.
This is to cover the cost of the dodgy cucumber, with extra, so you can pick up a perfect one on us, next time you’re in.
Your points will show in your account and be available for you to spend in the next 72 hours.
Thank you again for taking the time to get in touch. I hope that this has been helpful and we see you in store soon!