This is a follow-up from an earlier e-mail to Sainsbury’s, when I was getting so fed up of them delivering short-dated chicken (amongst other things). My original e-mail is here – it will help to put our love affair into context if you haven’t already read it.
Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I am heartened that you have not forgotten me.
I thought about your loving words for a week or so, almost like a love-struck teenager, unable to know what to say or do. In the end, I thought that we really should go for another date, to try to re-kindle our love.
Actually, that’s a slight lie. Ocado gave me short-dated chicken so I came running back. Though your words did much to sway me too. And the voucher – albeit it did seem a bit like prostitution. Not that there is anything wrong with prostitution. It isn’t my kind of thing, but as long as the seller and buyer are willing participants in the market, then I’m fine with it.
That’ll be my economics degree sneaking through.
So Friday night I was so excited about our date the next day, and ended up drinking all night and getting home at 9am (much earlier than the weekend before). I awaited my delivery – it was 21st May, to clarify. I thought you’d be interested in the product dates:
Rocket – 21st May.
Satsumas – 23rd May.
Peppers – 25th May, which is fine, but they have soggy tops. Still 80% edible though.
Asparagus – 22nd May.
Duck – 22nd May (cooked on 23rd and was gorgeous still so definitely no refund required).
Haddock – 23rd May (cooked last night – was just about ok so no refund requested).
Spring onions – 23rd May.
I don’t expect everything to last all week but it is a weekly shop – some of it has to!
The most annoying thing was ordering a 120g bag of rocket. It wasn’t available – fair enough – so it was replaced with 1 x 60g bag of rocket. Why not 2 bags, therefore equalling 120g as I wanted?! Bizarre. This meant I had no option but to walk to Morrisons after work – you know my feelings about her – I do feel that I am too beautiful to go down to that level.
I don’t know where our love can go from here.
Perhaps someone is purposely trying to sabotage our love?
I’m going back to Ocado until they upset me.
I get butterflies in my stomach when your name lands in my inbox. It’s the sunshine in my days. However, when I read this email, I felt like my world had come crashing down. These are not the dates that I like to hear about. As well as the lack of rocket delivered? I feel as if the God’s of love are taunting us. Just as I thought we were getting back on track, we’re back to square one.
An economics degree and everything, you never fail to impress me. You deserve better than Ocado, and undoubtedly better than Morrison’s. I never thought that you’d stoop to that level, we really let you down.
Look James, let’s cut to the chase. I can’t deal with all this back and forth, Sainsbury’s, Ocado, you love me, and you don’t. It’s pulling on my heart strings. We need to sort this once and for all. We are destined to be together and you know it. A relationship like ours will stand the test of time. Though I understand, you need to be able to rely on us. Trust is the most important. Every relationship has its ups and downs but I know the only way is up for us now. I’ve contacted the store manager about the dates of your items so they can speak with the pickers. They’ll ensure the pickers are choosing the longest dates available for you, as trained. If this means hoking through the shelves, right to the back, for that extra day shelf life then that’s just what they’ll do. You deserve it.
I’ve sent you a voucher for £5.90 to cover the cost of the items you’ve mentioned. The voucher code is xxxx-xxxx-xxxx. Surely you can give us another chance.
We eagerly await our next encounter, hoping of course it’s only positive. Until next time, James.
Unfortunately I didn’t keep my further response to them, so the next bit won’t make quite as much sense.
Thanks for your email. Again, my heart skipped a beat when I seen your name pop up on my screen. It’s still normal to get butterflies after this long right? That’s how you know you’re serious about someone. And well, I’m definitely serious about you. I’m so glad we’re on the same page and I agree this is true love.
Don’t worry, I fall out with my friends sometimes too. I didn’t know about the EU placing a ban on fish being sold in UK supermarkets. You never fail to surprise me with what you know.
A DJ as well. Is there anything you’re hopeless at? You impress me more and more. It seems to me that we become more compatible as time goes on. I do like a good bit of Techno and House music now and again. Although I’m more into Trance, I think I’ve managed to solve your query on the Techno producer from Andorra so you can complete your 28 track list. There’s a guy called Richy Vuelcom from Andorra and he produces techno music. Have a listen to some tracks and see what you think. Failing that, maybe my good friend google can help you out.
I’m so pleased you took advantage of the delivery pass. This means an awful lot to me as it shows you’re committed and it makes me very happy.
Now we’re finally in a serious relationship and we’ve fully committed ourselves to each other. I hope you continue to enjoy using the service and take as much advantage as possible of that delivery pass you have.
I’m looking forward to our next date already. We hope to see you online soon.