I’m a grumpy fucker when I started writing this yesterday, but that wass mainly down to not getting to sleep until 4am the night before. I could understand if I had gone on a caffeine binge or spent my Christmas shopping money on hookers and cocaine but no, I had a couple of glasses of wine and did my ironing. By the way did you realise that Youporn has a 3D section?
Why it took 6 hours to get to sleep I do not know. Fucking ridiculous. I’ll try to calm down on the swear words for the rest of the post but I do live in Bracknell.
Last weekend when I was in Leeds, I wondered how the fuck I had ended up in the black hole of Bracknell. Oops that’s three times I’ve used the word fuck.
In case you wondered, it isn’t the first time I have considered this, but there are so many wonderful places in the country that I could be working and living and yet I have somehow ended up in a crapper town than that I started my life in.
It also isn’t exactly as if I am wallowing in self-pity waiting for someone to discover my genius and give me an amazing job in London, Leeds, Manchester or Bridgend. I am studying. I am trying to change my career. But this is one of the sources of frustration in my life.
I am stuck in Bracknell for a minimum of two more months. Most importantly, I am awaiting my annual bonus due at the end of January. There is no point in changing job before then. Plus I’m in a six-month minimum contract in my house which finishes in two months. My annual bonus will hopefully pay for some Technics and perhaps still have a little left over to contribute towards a holiday.
But then I might get redundancy in March too, although that won’t come close to the amount of money I received and subsequently wasted from redundancy at Verizon – it probably wouldn’t even pay for a storm chasing trip around America.
I’m not quite there yet in terms of being able to apply for a junior web developer job. However, I am also not that far away. I have a couple of web sites. I have various others either started or in my head. I need a portfolio. And I need a blog. Yes, another blog.
I do spend too much time studying and not enough coding. I am hoping that my February detox, and week off in March will give me the time to get my portfolio to a stage where I can actually start applying for jobs. The moment is approaching.
I was chatting to my hair stylist last week, and it struck me how admirable it was that he had a career where he made people happy. I might make my manager and the cash managers happy, I do make my colleagues laugh when I’m not being a miserable fucker like yesterday, but I do have a fairly miserable job. Nobody cheers when they are chased for payment.
I keep imagining being able to go into work, do something I find interesting, something I find challenging and then actually make people happy. Deliver something that somebody really wants. Being part of a project which changes someone’s life or business. Nobody wants a disconnection letter. There is minimal satisfaction in my job. I fell into credit control and now I am climbing out of it.
I actually spent 17 years in Reading until I finally found a good hair stylist.
Anyway, until I get my bonus I will keep on plodding on and gradually creating my new future.
A future without Bracknell.