The James Winfield Cure For Famine

I have long thought that I would be one of those rare people that vastly changes the world for the better – someone like Edison, Einstein or Oakenfold.

And finally I can announce my cure for famine.

A product which can feed so many people so cheaply that even I can buy a packet in a reasonably upmarket supermarket for just 37 pence.

Just one packet I estimate could keep someone nutritionally fed for a week.

37 pence.

Yes, I present to you my very exciting cure for famine:

I look forward to my Nobel nomination and subsequent prize.

Hello Winter!

The first throes of winter have arrived. And I have a new winter coat.

What do you think?  Yes I know I should be a model – I was actually asking about the coat though.

I’ve saved up this month on my weekends in to be able to afford it. Speaking of which, this will be another weekend in. I currently have £15.40 left until pay-day, which is 5 days away. I have enough food to be able to survive on, and a £5 winning scratchcard, along with £2 of my Müller yoghurt vouchers and a £2 voucher for soap. I won’t go hungry or get smelly. Bonus.

I quite like being on a very tight budget, as it really makes me think about what I do spend.

It does mean I will be staying in all weekend but I cannot say that I am overly bothered about this. Halloween is my second-most despised event of the calendar (only beaten by Valentines Day). Why do we have a “celebration” that encourages child begging? And fancy dress is not for me. I still have to paint my £3 Primark trainers and do a techno mix. Too busy to celebrate sodding ghosts.

One thing I really want to do…have a guess…go on…it begins with g.  I really want a roast dinner.  I want to cook a proper roast, I think I can just about afford a £5 joint of beef from Sainsburys. This is the one thing that I am really looking forward to on Sunday. I found a really interesting looking recipe to make my own tomato sauce but the ingredients cost £12.65 in total and I cannot justify spending 80% of my budget on ketchup. Not even I can.

And on a good piece of news, I am currently 2.5kg lighter than my fat peak. I am very pleased about this, I have been putting in the effort though I suspect the main contributor was fabric…oh what a night/afternoon that was 🙂

Have a fabulous weekend my dear blog readers.


Fabric’s 13th Birthday

I spent Friday evening lamenting my very poor financial situation and the host of excellent nights I was going to miss the coming weekend.

Fabric’s birthday was the one I really desperately wanted to do as I had been to most or maybe all fabric Saturday night birthday parties since the 7th one I think (forgive me my lack of memory, goes with the territory I suspect).

Story goes I went out for a beer with a very good friend on Saturday afternoon, it ended up many beers, we had a discussion about going to fabric on the Sunday but didn’t commit to anything.

Woke up with a hangover on Sunday, my phone went off with a text message saying, “fabric?”.

Hell yes.

It was about the shortest hangover ever and a few hours later (somewhere between 4pm and 5pm) we were straight into fabric, and straight onto the dancefloor to see the closing few hours of Visionquest.

The first track they played upon entry was a Prince track, I think 1999 but I have next to no knowledge of Prince.  The atmosphere was very dark and moody with virtually no lighting, the dancefloor was busy but there was space to dance.  The music went from more trippy hypnotic tracks to more techno influenced tracks, with a good variety in between and as time went on the full range of fabulous lighting effects came on.

Really good stuff.

Then came Space Dimension Controller (live) whom I had some knowledge of, and played very weird spaced kind of music with next to no beats, so we retired for a quick drink and service, and popped back down around 20 minutes to see that he had almost pretty much cleared the dancefloor, but he persevered with the plan – I do like a good dancefloor clearance…more dancing space thank you very much, and towards the end it was properly going off, and I have to say that I was very suitably impressed.

Sometimes you just need patience my fellow dancing friends, and you will be rewarded.  Needless to say he had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand come the end and a busy dancefloor was reaffirmed.

Then of course, Craig Richards.  One of my true favourites.  Fabric is not the same without him on the list.  No matter whom else I go to fabric to see, I always make sure he is playing.  If he isn’t, I do reconsider.  He just has that reliability mixed with that special knowledge of that very special dancefloor.

And coming on at 830pm, he played a blinder as I knew he would, even my friend who wasn’t previously much of a fan of Craig Richards said he played a blinder, and it was super good, going from hypnotic grooves, to samples of old school house, some 80’s electro and hip-hop in there, at least as samples, and I definitely recognised a few teasing samples of some very recognisable old dance tracks (possibly my imagination?!), not to mention some much tougher beats.

We left around the end of his set – I know when I have had a good time, and it was that good I didn’t want to push it.

The crowd was easily the one of the very best that I have ever known in fabric, and certainly the best I have experienced anywhere this year, such a fabulous vibe in there, some good efforts on the fancy dress, the staff were enjoying it just as much as the punters and well – it was a totally fantastic afternoon and evening.

I would say fabric should do more 30 hour extravaganzas but I’m quite happy with keeping it special.

And it was special.

See you next year fabric, happy birthday x

(oh and 17th for Loco Dice, Guti and tINI, and 24th for Ricardo…shhh don’t tell anyone, I want some dancing space).

Scottish Independence

Two years until the Scottish Independence vote.

Now I would prefer the United Kingdom to stay together.

However, if Scotland becomes independent then Labour would lose all those Scottish MPs and the chances of future Conservative governments and majority governments would become much likelier.  Oh no 😉

No more Gordon Brown’s.  No more Scottish interference in English (or Welsh or NI) affairs.

Hmmm this is very tempting.

So we would get less Olympic medals.  Oh well.  And we would probably lose much of the oil…not that there is that much left.

However if independence is won, and granted, it must be insisted that Scotland gets its fair share of the national debt.  AND the Royal Bank of SCOTLAND must return to Scotland.  The bank that caused so much damage to the world economy must not remain on the balance sheet of the UK.

Interestingly the most recent polls I have seen see 25% of Scots wanting Scottish independence.

33% of English want Scottish independence.


And in other political news, I see Andrew Mitchell resigned.  About sodding time.  What a disgrace to the government, to the Conservative party and the country.

Weekend Of Dreams Or Weekend Of Austerity?

I can tell I haven’t been clubbing for a few weeks, my dancing feet are starting to itch.

And there are 3 amazing line-ups in London this weekend.

Tonight there is Wolf + Lamb, PillowTalk (live), No Regular Play and Slow Hands at the Loft Studios.

Saturday night the wonderful Nina Kraviz at Village Underground and also fabric’s birthday going all through Sunday into Monday morning.

However, I am not exactly blessed with spare funds at the moment and cannot really afford any of them, let alone all of them. I need a winter coat, new trainers as they are developing holes and my ipod type thing appears to be on its last legs. Not to mention all that overpaid housing benefit that the council might one day ask me to repay.

But I want to do all of them. I have even booked Monday off just in case.

This is tearing my heart apart, I know I should be sensible, save money towards a winter coat which could be very useful in the coming Arctic blasts from next weekend, and practice Djing and learn more web design so hopefully I can increase my earning potential in the coming years. I know it is all about the long-term at the moment and I should sacrifice short-term fun in place of planning for my future, just like I kind of did years ago when studying my degree.

Hmmm. Live for the weekend or live for the coming years?

The Delicious Delights of Derby

My employers sent me on a mission to Derby this week.  I doubt you have any interest on credit control processes (unless my manager is reading) so I will enlighten you on my personal mission, which was to discover the culinary delights of Derby.

The office I visited was in a modern commercial area, near the football stadium, and had much to offer:

Greggs – but you might need a little imagination.
With all this choice it was a difficult decision but I plumped for the chicken maestro, and wow what a good choice I made as look closely at the bowl of nutrition below and you will be able to see just how much ketchup I was offered – without argument and with full understanding of my language and requirements.
This my friends, was because I was near the north.
There was also a MacDonalds and a Starbucks but I was too busy eating a cupcake of hell from Greggs to photograph them.  You probably recall what they look like.
Things went downhill in the evening as I searched for hot chicks and thick gravy.  As I walked into the city centre, I came across this marvelous building:
Look closely at the amazing decor on the outside.  I just think it is amazing that someone dreamt of a tropical paradise in the city of Derby.  Must have been built in the 80’s.  I was most amused.
Actually, Derby as a city is a good city from first glance.  Not one person asked me for change, they have REAL PUBS in the city centre, and one pub which advertised minimal techno on Saturdays – I would have photographed it but I was being circled by hoodies on bikes at the time so I relented.
Anyway, the meal, the search for gravy.  Well I eventually upon a bit of wandering discovered the aptly-named Wonky Table and had a truly delicious lamb shank – yes with gravy.  If ever you happen to be in Derby I can definitely recommend it.

And this morning – all you can eat English breakfast.  Needless to say I am still totally stuffed now.  Not sure what happened to the photo but probably wise in case the hotel chase me for having eaten a whole butcher’s worth of sausages.
That wasn’t my only portion.  Oops.

Conclusions & Reminders From My Weekend

I had a really enjoyable and fun-packed weekend.

These are my conclusions/reminders:

I still really like beer.

But I also definitely have a new-found taste for not wasting Sundays and being a bit more alert on Mondays.
I love London.
London is ridiculously more exciting than Reading.
£4.80 a pint. Ouch.
I have lived in Reading for more than 14 years.
I really love my new house.
I have amazing friends.
I want to DJ much more.
CDJ2000’s are amazing.
Martin Audio monitor speakers are disturbingly loud.
Morrison’s have upped their game.
I love gravy.

New Milestone Reached

I reached a new milestone in my life on Monday.
I have reached my heaviest ever recorded weight. 94kg. I say heaviest recorded as I believe that I may have been slightly heavier towards the end of 2004 but I cannot remember for sure and do not have it recorded (yes I have a spreadsheet).

94kg is overweight (something like 14 stone 11 ish for those of you still in the dark ages…can I ask how many furlongs your journey to work is, how many links tall you are or how many shillings you earn each month? No?). As I said I was a similar weight in 2004, but by 2008 I was down to 72kg.

My weight is creeping up each week and has been doing so for several years, most noticeably over the last year. Early 2011 I was 80kg.  When I lost my job last September I was 89kg. When I started work this year I was 85kg. Now I am 94kg. At this rate I will be the average size of an American in 11 years time.

There are two ways to fix it, diet and exercise.  Or stop working in an office.

Firstly, I am not going on a frigging diet. I am not a girl. Nor am I gay (oh did I just finally ‘come in’ in public? Oops, was supposed to be a secret). However I could improve my diet. Last week I made a significant improvement by replacing my sausage and bacon sandwich for breakfast, with a sausage roll. I might have to go further. Perhaps poison myself with cereal.

I am aware of several other things I should do, like not eat so many sweets, not have so many huge roast dinners and not eat before bed.  No sausage rolls, no sausages, no toad in the hole.  But I like sweets, meat, gravy, cakes and sandwiches. I do not want to eat things I do not like.

Secondly, I could exercise. I do not have a total aversion to exercise, but there are only a few forms I enjoy. And I am not going to be motivated or interested in doing something I dislike.

I like badminton, but it requires a second person. I have tried to join clubs, but on the odd occasion that my enquiry is not ignored, I am told that it is not suitable for beginners/plebs.

I like walking. But I already walk well over an hour a day.

I like dancing in nightclubs. But such is the popularity of house music that clubs are often too packed nowadays to do any more than a shuffle.

I might buy a bicycle next year to mow down pensioners on the pavements and so I can finally go through red lights and stop signs and it actually mean a bit more than it does now when I am walking down a street. A bicycle costs money though which I do not currently have.

So, what to do? It is not an easy question seeing as most sports already require a basic level of fitness which I do not have, and I do not have any prior knowledge of what I can do. Answers on a postcard please.  I will consider all sensible James-like suggestions.

I need to sort this out.


I have done a lot of partying in my life so far.  A hell of a lot of drinking.  More hours on the dancefloor than at school (possibly).  And I have had a bloody good time.

But the last couple of weeks, I have been mostly sober, done very little in the way of “traditional fun” like going out, and I have still enjoyed myself and been happy.

A couple of years ago I would have gone totally crazy had that been the case.

Yes, you heard it here first, I am quite enjoying relaxing, sober and relatively quiet weekends.

Now my redundancy money has totally gone and I have to pay back the council for their fuck-up, my budget does not allow for partying every weekend, so I have to be a bit clever about it.  I can only party 3 weekends a month, so I am kind of forced into it, but in a very accepting kind of way.  So I chose the first two weekends after pay-day to chill out, as I am in London next weekend…and it is fabric’s birthday the weekend after (not that I plan on going…but you never know!!).  Also it made sense to have a rest after crazy September.

I am enjoying not hanging out of my arse all Sunday and Monday, actually getting things done and being able to make an effort towards achieving other goals in life.

There is life after partying.

But don’t worry, I haven’t turned totally boring yet.  All about getting my priorities right.

Ed Miliband’s One Nation Bull

So did anyone watch Ed Miliband’s Labour conference speech?

No, thought not. Neither did I. But I did put myself through the highlights, and most notable was that he used the phrase “One Nation” 44 times apparently. I didn’t count but plenty of political observers did.

One Nation. From the Labour Party. Oh please. Shut the fuck up.

Now I am not a deluded Tory who thinks Cameron & Osborne will ever get the votes of the unions or more than a handful of public sector workers. Certain sectors of society will never vote Conservative.

But, wow, Mr Miliband must be totally off his rocker if he thinks that those who are totally disgusted with the Labour party after they totally ruined the economy, increased inequality, gave us ever increasing moral bankruptcy, 90 days detention without trial, next to no infrastructure investment and oh let’s throw in the Iraq War too, will ever be willing to be part of some “One Nation” bullshit.

Of course he will still get the votes of those who depend on the state like those on benefits and public sector workers, and those who want to destroy the economy for their own eneds like the unions.

Seriously laughable if he thinks the party he leads can unite the country that he destroyed. Might as well bring back Hitler to resolve the Euro crisis.

I don’t actually hate Ed Miliband like I hate Gordon Brown, the man whom I have utter deplorable contempt for destroying the once brilliant United Kingdom. Along with of course Tony Blair, who I don’t hate but do generally dislike. No, Ed Miliband is just there. A bit irritating but I don’t actually mind him. He hasn’t had chance to destroy the country further, yet.

However, take a look at the shadow chancellor, Ed Balls.

A viperous political scumbag if ever I saw one. Does anyone seriously want him in charge of the country’s finances? Remember that he was a major part of Gordon Brown’s team that were hugely responsible for the worst economic crisis for 80, maybe 100+ years. (Don’t be fooled that it was because of the banks, although definitely partly to blame, nor the fault of the ‘global recession’ as that government were part of the machine that caused the global recession, which incidentally did not affect many countries with sound finances, such as Australia).

I much prefer Gideon and his yachts to be running the finances.

Anyway, next week I get to enjoy the glory of the Conservative Party Conference which will warm my heart greatly.

Tempted to book the week off to watch the conference. Shame I don’t own enough land to be invited (only joking, even us plebs can go…if you can afford it).

ps Apologies for the lack of blog post about the Lib Dems conference.  I forgot.