1. Petrol isn’t about to go down in price – think of it as a good investment. Especially in a week or two when there is none – if you have a kitchen full then just imagine how much you can sell it for.
2. The people who don’t panic buy will be the stupid people – so the quicker we run out of petrol, the quicker the stupid people won’t be driving.
3. A sense of belonging. Everyone is doing it, so just like watching people with big dicks rowing a boat every 4th August, join in with your fellow countrymen.
4. More people at the petrol station means more chance you can strike up a conversation with a random – and you never know, you could get lucky as those petrol fumes overcome and persuade your potential date that you are an Olympic rower.
5. If the petrol station runs out by the weekend, then when you pop in at 4am stoned off your box to fulfil your craving of 8 packets of monster munch, there will not be idiots in your way paying for petrol at that stupid time, because there isn’t any.
6. Teachers might not be able to buy any petrol so if you are still at school, stock up on petrol with your pocket money because you might get another day off. Oh, wait a minute, teachers are probably on strike anyway.
Panic buying is cool, efficient and makes you sexy. Do it – IMMEDIATELY! And again!