8 Factors To Consider When Buying A DJ Laptop

Resident Advisor advised me of an article regarding how to choose a laptop for DJing with 8 questions one should ask oneself – I thought I could do better:

1. Does the logo light up?
2. Is it thinner than a piece of paper?
3. How many pointless things can I sync it to?
4. Would I get more sex if I invested that money in a penis extension instead?
5. Will it finally make those pesky vinyl DJs extinct due to its futureness?
6. Is it really that difficult to burn cds?
7. What will I do when it crashes?
8. Should I also invest in some kind of helmet like Deadmau5?

Coat…taxi…beatings…all on their way