So what happened this week? Well the same as every week for the last forgettable amount of forgettable weeks with absolutely zero chance of doing anything different.
I just had to apologise to 3 of my dearest on a video call for thanking them for the highlight of my week – which was a beer-fueled Zoom call and the best Zoom call so far.
Yet the rest of the week was monotony.
Wake up. Before 6am. It won’t be long before 5am is a lie in…damn you sunniest spring ever.
Go for a walk. I walk through this little nature reserve with no nature inside bar an occasional cat – despite the local’s efforts in trying to attract rats but there are larger piles of litter elsewhere in the neighbourhood – and I do mean piles. It’s pleasant but nothing special. Here’s some photographs from my morning walk:
Then I end up at Sainsburys, buy some bread or some Red Bull to wake me up seeing as I’ve normally had about 5-6 hours sleep. Occasionally buy some vegetables but they normally block off the vegetable aisle in the morning.
Followed by work. 9am to 5pm. Less meetings at the moment, possibly thanks to my complaining in a meeting about too many meetings. I used to sit at my desk all day and look at women in lingerie, or sequin dresses – we don’t sell sequin dresses any more, though I guess not many women wear sequin dresses to go buy a baton. Strange as I wear my best pants every day. Except when they really need washing.
Anyway, now I’m sat at my desk all day, looking at desks. As we are applying the pretty website revamp to the furniture section. I guess it matches these dull times. And I don’t even see any hot women now – I moved to London partly for all the attractive women, yet it is about 10 weeks since I’ve tried not to stare at someone’s breasts.
Sometimes after work I go for a walk. Other times I do my weather forecast or just catch up on reading 12 different articles on Motley Fool arguing whether to invest in BT shares or not to invest in them. Always I look at weather models every evening. Keep your expectations low for July – you know, the month when we might actually be allowed to go to a beer garden. Currently looks wet.
Though I’d quite happily swap doing the same thing every day for the opportunity to get soaking wet in a beer garden drinking warm beer. I really am fed up of lockdown. I’m fucking over it. Let us out – there are virtually no new cases in London and there are 9 million people.
I’ve been pretty cheerful throughout lockdown, bar the odd day – though definitely overall less happy than normal. Yet this week I’ve noted just a general downness – not like stabbing myself kinda down, but no longer talking to empty rooms, no longer having a little dance in my room – it was even picked up by a few people on my weather forecast, before I had actually realised! I’m definitely more chirpy now – yet there is no glow about me, bar a red wine glow.
I think I’m mostly frustrated by the imposed limits. It’s not really acceptable to go on a tube train anywhere and I don’t have a car. I feel constrained by my walking limit, which is dictated by my bladder – a 2 hour walk would risk a bush visit. I did walk to Pinner today which has a nice M&S, about 40 minutes walk away and very civilised – I bought a £10 ribeye steak – a whole 380g.
But I want to be in London. I moved to be in London – not stuck in fucking Harrow every day which is perfectly fine but utterly dull, even out of lockdown.
All the things I look forward to – being with friends, visiting my family, watching sport, pretending that I’m going to go to the theatre, having a roast dinner in a pub, being in a pub, being in a pub garden, walking through London, going on holiday – this is all out of bounds. All taken away from me. And you. I don’t blame the government for enforcing lockdown – but it really does need to be eased now it seems safe to do so, at least in London. I need a bit of hope – this is too much now.
Especially being single. My housemate is very nice, but I’m still alone. I imagine this is far easier if you have family…though maybe it is also more of a nightmare too. But at least you have loved ones around you.
Lockdown is definitely getting to me. It has slowly ground me down – or at least the things, and especially the people, are no longer there to lift me up.
Still I’ll live to fight another day. I’ll wake up tomorrow, probably around 5am, probably not go for a walk because I’ll have a hangover. I have promised myself a hangover-free day this weekend so I can code – I have been working on a revamp for this blog, it won’t need much to finish it and release it. I have a massive steak in the fridge to make up for having two vegetarian dinners this week.
It might even rain tomorrow – albeit only in shower format. That would be rather exciting.
And then I might watch a movie, hopefully less shit than what I watched last week – Shaun Of The Dead. Zombie movies are beneath my level of wannabe intellect.
Though I feel like a zombie now. I am a lockdown zombie. We are all lockdown zombies. Hope you are doing absolutely the same as every day too.
Roll on Christmas. That’s going to be stuck at home too, isn’t it?