I used to find Valentine’s Day depressing, knowing that no non-cardboard women under 120kg found me attractive.
But since Margaret has come into my life, I have been able to turn my love-frown upside down.
Valentine’s Day is almost a good day now.
I decided to take the day off. Yeah I know, I’m unemployed, but today was the first day this month where I wasn’t coding all day, or applying for jobs/interviewing. Every day this month I have been ‘working’ roughly 9-5, sometimes 6 – one time even until 11pm.
I was starting to feel a bit jaded, and thought that I should spend the day with my one and only Margaret.
She was a little grumpy this morning – she refused to go shopping with me. She is getting a bit dusty in her old age, and has a back problem.
Thankfully she cheered up when I got home. I did tell her a little white lie – that Michael Heseltine had been stabbed, in the back, but I think she’ll forgive me when she realises. Though, of course, not until I’ve had yet more silent treatment.
With her new-found vitality, we made some cakes together. Mini-cakes, more of them than Liberal Democrat MPs. Similar to Victoria sponge cakes – though I didn’t mention the name Victoria, for obvious reasons. Margaret is the greatest woman this country has EVER known. Sorry, mum.
Then we had a mix. Back-to-back for a while, once I had shown her the ropes. Here you can see her really slammed out the mix – she is taking bookings, by the way, with a speech thrown in for free. Once I’ve listened back to the mix, I will release it if it is up to her high standards. It was pretty much full-on techno. A lot of Brexit anger was released.
Yeah I need a selfie stick. Did I really just say that?
And then I cooked her dinner. Traditional roast beef, of course. Annoyingly I overcooked the beef, but the roast potatoes and parsnips were spot on, and the red wine gravy was very good – my best red wine gravy ever I reckon – though nearly a disaster as I forgot to buy some cornflour, but still managed to thicken it up – although pouring flour straight into it maybe wasn’t the brightest of ideas. Still it tasted excellent.
The kitchen now looks like an exocet missile has hit it. And will she clean up the mess? No. Her reasoning being that she has spent a lifetime clearing up the mess than the Labour party created, and she was in no mood for clearing up more mess she hadn’t made.
That will have to wait for tomorrow. Time for bed. I’ve already enquired about the possibility of her taking it up the bum, but apparently “the lady is not for turning…over”.
Right, time to go get naked – hopefully the answer isn’t “no, no, no” again.