Lindsey Lohan

I have no idea who she is but the BBC have it is their top story that she has been jailed for 90 days so she must be famous for something.

In 2007 she pleaded guilty to one count of being under the influence of cocaine and drink-driving twice.

Seemingly she has now, 3 years later, been jailed for missed some alcohol education meetings.

I have one piece of advice for you, Miss Lohan – move to England, we revere people like you that swan around society doing such ‘terrible acts’.

All we ask in return is that you ‘agree’ to be photographed for a few shoddy magazines, preferably after a few drinks, coming out of some pretentious West End bar full of wannabes.

You won’t even have to audition for the role. Just turn up, be famous for nothing, go to parties with Pete Doherty, and we will never send you to jail. Unless of course you don’t pay your TV license.

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I have an update, a very good friend of mine advises that she is an actress. Well I have more good news for Miss Lohan, the lesser-intelligent can also be an actress in the UK. We have a perfectly suitable television show called Hollyoaks which she could apply to work for.

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Ooh one more idea, how about Babestation? They are always looking for girls who can do a bit of acting.

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Another update, apparently she works for Hollywood, the US governments mind-control project. She deserves to be in jail to protect people like me from having our thoughts subjugated into banal thought processes from those evil movie cinema people.

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