Firstly, may I just say that if I were looking to be awarded something from a corrupt body that I would not tell everyone listening how corrupt I believe them to be.
So, congratulations to Russia, one of my favourite countries, on knowing how to win a World Cup bid. In Russia, journalists get shot when they report something the state doesn’t agree with. Ask Anna Politkovskaya. See link in title if you want to know more.
Though, as I know the Russians read my blog, I would like to point out that I do greatly admire Russia and I hope to be able to visit it in 2018.
So reasons to be cheerful about Russia getting the World Cup awarded to them:
1. You can go to Liverpool any day. Have you been to Yekaterinburg? Or Volgograd?
2. Huge amounts of cheap vodka.
3. And because alcohol kills about 50,000 Russians a year (2000 figure), mostly men, there are lots of beautiful women in Russia. And according to www.russainbrides.com or whatever it was I have just paid a £1,000.00 subscription to, they love English men, and most are willing to pay about £5,000.00 for one so I am confident in my new investment.
4. I’m led to believe that you can hire AK47’s at the airport and are actively encouraged to shoot wild bears in the forests. Sorry, but I cannot locate my source for this.
5. We have a royal wedding next year. Who needs to host a World Cup?
6. We are hosting international level archery and beach volleyball events, in London, in 2012. Again, seriously who needs a World Cup with just one sport when the Olympics has about 40 (I’m guessing here).
7. Even more important, we are hosting the Rugby League World Cup in 2013. A real sport. No girls from Spain with long hair – real men from proper countries like Tonga.
8. Perhaps if we had Hull as a city to host a game we would have got the football World Cup. It is likely Hull will host a Rugby League World Cup game though. The last time it did, in 2000, saw Russia lose 110-4 to Australia. I sense a tiny bit of ironic cheer, at the very least.
Football is crap anyway, unless you are a glory hunter it provides so much disappointment.
Get yourself to a nightclub instead.