Things I Would Cut:
1. Wayne Rooney’s manhood, like you would a rabid dog.
2. Jimmy Bullard’s contract length and value. And hair.
3. John Terry. From life.
4. X-Factor. Death to X-Factor. Stop ruining my social life and what is left of decency in society at large.
5. All soap operas but starting with Eastenders first. I might keep Hollyoaks but cut most of the sound out unless there are any lesbian noises.
6. All prisoners. Or cut them from this country anyway – outsource them to a Chinese prison.
8. The price of beer.
9. The length of skirts on all good-looking women.
10. Margaret Thatcher’s age – get her back into power.
11. The BBC license fee – scrap the illegal tax. I should be allowed to choose if I want TV, not be forced it upon me.
12. The amount I pay in rent and bills.
13. The distance I have to travel to go to a decent nightclub. Someone bloody needs to build a decent nightclub in Reading with underground music.
14. The cutting of sandwiches for men. Do not cut a man’s sandwich. Unless he is gay.
15. My hair. But without me having to pay for it.
I’m sure I could think of more but this is a starter. I will send to George-y boy later.