What am I doing? Where Am I Going?
Posted
I’ve been feeling fairly flat this week. Not down, not miserable, just flat. A slight struggle to motivate myself, for example to do healthy things – I sit here with a beer, bread and butter, and a large bar of chocolate which is unusual for a Thursday evening.
I’m still doing stuff. Still working. Still doing the washing up. Still writing roast dinner reviews. Still researching where next to throw money away on the stock market. Just with less enthusiasm – well, no enthusiasm. To give it a football analogy, I’m grinding out 0-0 draws in the hope of staying up this season.
It happens. Most of the time I’m happy or content, occasionally very happy, occasionally miserable.
Not quite sure why I feel so flat. I’ve not seen any friends or family for 10 days. But that isn’t too unusual. I’ve taken a hammering on the stock market – losing £5,000 in just over 2 weeks. But that is depressing.
Maybe that is it. As it has kind of scuppered my plan of buying a flat. I most certainly won’t be selling my stocks at a loss – in fact I won’t be selling them at any less than a 10% profit.
Big Goals
I have some pretty big goals I want to achieve over the next year:
- Buy my own flat.
- Spanish wife.
- Lose 15kg of weight.
- New teeth.
- Work in Europe.
- Save the money I have “lost” on the stock market.
- Find some more London friends.
Part of the reason why I’m newly lost this week is because I’ve been reconsidering the idea of working in Europe – fulfil a curiosity of mine and get the fuck away from Brexit Britain into a country where I don’t understand the language so cannot read how bad they are. Not that any country in Europe, bar maybe Hungary or Poland, has such a heinous government as we do. I digress. Apologies to those future-rejoiners reading who still believe in Brexit. Lol. Don’t worry, I thought the Iraq War was good idea for years until I finally realised I’d been duped. By the same newspapers that supported Brexit, too.
I was going to try it anyway this year, working in Europe that is. I’m now officially allowed to work abroad for two weeks a year (lol, as if I care what I’m “allowed” to do when there are thousands of companies looking for software engineers) – though the collapse in the stocks that I own mean that I feel the need to save money now to replace what I’ve lost. OK…paper losses until I sell…but it looks bad. I fear the worst.
So I don’t have a deposit because my stock market holdings are in the red. Also the property prices are just stupid. £439k now for a 1-bedroom flat on Help To Buy in Walthamstow. Fuck that shit. You could argue that I should buy quickly before interest rates go up much more – but I’d argue that a lower property price is more important in the long run. I know what I’m willing to pay both for a property and per month on mortgage/service con.
Which leaves me to think…maybe I could go work in Europe for longer than 2 weeks. Leave M&S, become a contractor, get hired by M&S as a contractor for three times my current salary and do all the ugly JavaScript shit that nobody else wants to do. In Sevilla. Well, not in the summer. Sevilla in October. Naples in November. Amsterdam in December. Malaga in January. Hull in February. Maybe.
Sounds cool, right?
But then I’d need to put all my stuff in storage. Or sell it. And work out how much I’d need to take with me. Ooh I’ve just sold a Mixmag on Ebay. It would take quite some planning. Maybe I should try that week working abroad first.
Other Goals
So Spanish wife needs me to achieve goals 3 and 4. Which need me to achieve goal 6.
Though perhaps goal 5 could help a little with the dream of finding a Spanish wife.
Losing weight needs me to be sober more as I only lose weight when sober. And also when not feeling flat like I am now, half a baguette later.
New teeth needs money but I’d only have money if I sold my shares which I refuse to do at a loss. Ideally I want to buy a flat first. Flat, teeth, senorita, get my hairy nipples out.
Save money is easy enough. I just need to go out less. Getting more London friends is less easy, but involves me going out more.
I guess this is the end of the blog post. Writing is cathartic so I feel better now, even though I don’t have a plan except save money but spend money, stay in all the time but go out lots, buy a flat and go live in Europe. And have some more roast dinners. In Europe. Or London.
WHAT AM I DOING? WHERE AM I GOING? Only lost another £100 on the stock market since I started writing this. Next week I’ll be back on track with my goals. Don’t ask me which ones though.