Who Should Host The 2018 World Cup?

I am trying to decide who should get to host the world cup. I am glad that I am not one of the Fifa delegates, who have to give up their time, assumedly for minimal amounts of pay, and have to go to these awful delegations and spend nights in boring hotels, with people like Beckham, begging them to do it for the “good of football”.  I am trying to put myself in their shoes anyway.

I guess being English, I should want it to come to England. But as the bid team failed to include Hull in it, I should, as a Hullensian, show some apathy towards it. Of course, all those tourist dollars will come in very handy. However, do we want the world’s media touring the shanty-towns of Liverpool and London, etc, like we did in South Africa? On the plus side, the players wouldn’t have to worry about it being too hot. And maybe we could play with an egg-shaped ball, and use it in the Premiership the year before. Or even better – a triangle-shaped ball?

At least if it is in Spain and Portugal, where beer is cheaper, and prosititution legal, then we could go over, have a great time, and smash up a few cities – which wouldn’t be our own. Perhaps they could have a game in Ibiza – straight from watching England into Amnesia…yes I am sure the five guardia civil officers in Ibiza during the summer would love that.

The Russians would know what to do with our hooligans. There would be no messing about over there. Or maybe there would be some, as long as we paid the police. I see a Russian world cup making their police force very rich indeed – they will be rubbing their hands with glee. Russia is a country I am much warming to, and perhaps they deserve it as they haven’t begged so much and they have hot women. Lots of them. And the country is in almost terminal decline – so much so that they are going to offer cash payments to couple’s who have three or more children. And think of all that ridiculously cheap and strong vodka.

Spain have won a world cup recently. England haven’t. And won’t. Neither of course will Russia. So count Spain out. And Russian visitors to my blog spend very minimal time there compared to my English compatriots. So I finally conclude that I want England to get it. But just so you don’t get disappointed with the almost inevitable outcome that Fifa tell us to stick up bid up our arrogant back-sides, I shall remind you of the beauty of Spanish and Russian women. It ain’t so bad over there.

Erm…

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Apologies, I forgot about my female readers.  But I need to get on with my work so I will leave you with a hot (and single) English man for now.