There are many reasons not to vote in DJ Mag’s Top 100 DJs poll:
1. The inevitability that some shit trance DJ will win it again.
2. The fact that all the people who like underground music in the world are outnumbered by all the dumb Americans who went to see Tiesto last year.
3. The possibility that those who like trance are far more fanatical about one or two DJs, and those that like underground music probably like a far greater range of DJs, hence the votes for trance are going to the same people.
4. That it pays DJMag writers to swan around the world writing about the club and music scene we love from time to time, whilst getting lots of free entry, free drinks, etc for nights you would love to attend but cannot afford a flight to Brazil/Russia/Ibiza every other week, because you have a real job.
5. That lots of shit DJs are now going to get more work around the world because they managed to do well in a popularity poll.
6. The realistic chance that some cock with a mouse on his head who pretends he isn’t a DJ will win it.
7. You only go to clubs for the drugs, not for the music.
8. You only go to clubs to pull some bird off her tits. Or more realistically grab various women’s arses before realising 3 hours later that it isn’t Yates’.
9. You think all dance music is shit.
10. You believe that anyone listening to repetitive beats is going to hell.
However, if you don’t fight the morons, they are guaranteed to win.
My votes are going to:
1. Sven Vath
2. Ricardo Villalobos
3. Ivan Smagghe
4. A good friend of mine
5. Sir Jimmy Saville
Oh, and before any Tiesto voter gets upset by me calling them a moron, this only counts if trance is the only form of music you have bothered listening to of late. If you tried other music but still prefer Tiesto, no matter how ridiculous an idea it seems to me that someone who plays cheese-on-toast trance bullshit can be more appealing than someone who crowd-surfs, plays tambourines, sets fire to lighter fluid in his mouth and is an all-round party-animal, or someone who’s eyes are more distant than the guy in the corner dribbling, with sweat pouring from him, playing 35-minute long percussive tracks with no beats despite there are 2000 people in front of him confused and unable to dance, then I cannot criticise you.
Even though my heroes will not win and probably couldn’t care less, I’m still going to vote for them. Just like some people voted for Lib Dems in the general election back in May.
You have until next Thursday – do it whilst you remember!